Tuesday, February 10, 2009

"Mommy, Wheres Yours Pinky?"

So yesterday I was getting out of the shower and my two year old son asks me, "Mommy, wheres yours pinky?"  Now I don't know where he got this "pinky" business cause I only teach him correct words for body parts.  I explained to him that girls don't have pinkies, only boys. That seemed to make sense to him.  One awkward conversation down, one million to go.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


So I was making dinner and had to brown some hamburger.  Being the healthy person that I am, I went to rinse off the fat off the beef with a strainer.  Not only get I accidently get beef fat all over the floor, but I stepped in it too.  Gross.  I know, I'm just not that exciting these days.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Rub a Little Salt on the Open Wound

Me: So today I changed the nastiest diaper of my life-- poop all down the leg and everything.  Kid hadn't pooped in days.

Em: So a few days ago I went on a private jet with the owner of the fat company I work for and delivered $50,000 to our contest winner in Arizona.

Me: I read a book that talked about a private jet once.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

My Favorite Christmas Card

My friend Dana wins for best Christmas card line.  It goes as follows:

"Well, there's a few good things that come with being in a recession.  One is we all get to find out what each other's natural hair color is."

Hands down, best line.

P.S. No, I do not dye my hair.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Costco Isn't Taking Part in the Recession

Background: I hate shopping in crowds.  Ok, I hate shopping, but I REALLY hate shopping in crowds.  Therefore, I've had all my Christmas shopping done for awhile and lately I've been buying our food late at night so I don't have to deal with rude and pushy Christmas shoppers.

Much to my dismay, we accidentally left our Christmas dinner roast in the car overnight.  Gross.  The next morning when I found it my car smelled like raw meat and the meat itself looked a little black-- it made me want to throw up a little.  So not only did my $17 roast become dog food, I had to go to Costco today.

I went right before closing time and the parking lot was very full, but not completely.  Everyone looked stressed out, but at least I could maneuver my cart somewhat.  I got my second roast and got in line.  The lady in front of me said she worked at Costco and that morning when they opened, there was 1100 people waiting to get in the door and the check out lines went all the way to the back of the store.  Holy moly.  

The moral of this story is:
1- Don't leave raw meat in the car overnight.
2-Don't go to Costco when it opens, go when it closes.

You're welcome.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

By 8:37 am

By 8:37 am this morning I had already changed three poopy diapers.  SO, I did the only thing any normal person would do-- I ate three chocolate chip cookies for breakfast.

Dear Husband

Dear Husband,

I tried to kill a spider today, I really did.  Kid came up to me and said, "Mommy, big bug."  So I got the tissue and went over to the eight-legged doom.  I wadded up the tissue and tapped the monster, only to have him run towards me.  The dancing and screaming began, and the courage was gone.  Sorry, you are still the official spider killer of the family.  Think of it as job security.